Goldilocks and the Soboteur

When I was a kid, we had this great Walt Disney album recording of Goldilocks and the 3 Bears. The narrator and Papa Bear parts were played by Bing Crosby (the rest of his family including his kids played the other parts) and there were some great songs on that record we used to play over and over. I have always remembered one of Goldilocks' songs and it came back to me as I was thinking about the life lessons I have written in this post. As I used to tell my students when I was a teacher, a smooth path in life can pretty much be summed up in the words of this song

For the right things to do will say their hellos
The right ways to go are under your nose
carefully choose, your don'ts and do's
dont settle for less, than the best.

It's my birthday and introspection abounds. There's just way too much "me time" in this place right now not to be contemplative so I thought I might at least try to put it to good use. Another zodiac has spun around and as happy as I am with the physical space I'm in - I'm not so sure I thought I'd be in this emotional and spiritual place at this point in my life. But, although I feel very alone here, I am trying to avoid terms like "isolated" and "lonely" and instead focus on the positive gifts this time affords me. After all, millions of people would love to have the space I am being furnished with right now so I strive to recognise and appreciate that. It might be a long time in coming again.

This week, I decided to up my meditation routine and to do a month long on-line course in self sabotage. Sounds all very wanky and new-age I know, but I figured that I may as well get some contemplative guidance and direction rather than randomly putting out spot-fires of the soul.

One of the exercises in the second "lesson" of the course was to write down what I believe to be my life lessons to date. It was an interesting thing to do. At first I wondered where to start, but I realised that in essence, I know what I need to know to get life right and be happy.. happier. What I really need to crack in all this soul searching is exactly what I feel I'm getting out of heading down the WRONG paths.

To get a grip on my lessons I just looked at all the patterns of my own beahviour that I struggle with; decisions, relationships and interractions that have brought me the kind of pain I can learn from. Once bitten, twice shy and wiser to boot. Well maybe 10 times bitten, 11 times shy. I guess that's why they're called patterns!

The positive thing is that I KNOW for sure these are life lessons because I have had a taste on occasion of getting things right - and the proof of these lesons has definitely been in the tasting.

While I'm not sure that I have nailed these exactly, it's a pretty accurate first draft of my lessons and I speak them to myself hereto hold myself to them as much as anything! Maybe you can let me know your own favourite life lesson. Just so I don't feel too much like I'm hanging myself out on a limb here!

EXERCISE DUE DILLIGENCE WITH YOUR HEART: Take radical responsibility for who you get into relationships with. Listen to your instincts- they are your research. Don't be swayed by the opinions of others. Deep and not so deep down, you know when its right. Have the courage to say both when its not and when it is.

WALK YOUR OWN PATH: Don't be afraid to go it alone. If it is your truth, if it represents the authentic you, if it is positive in its source and is not wilfully harmful to anyone else, walk the lone tightrope if you need to. You are actually never alone. Those who truly want the best for you will always be by your side.

DRAW A LINE IN THE SAND & DON'T BE THE ONE TO ERASE IT. Respect yourself, your own needs and your knowledge of what your boundaries are. Do not cross the line because someone draws you into an argument about why you should. Essentially people are self-interested and there will always be an argument to cross the line. Others take their lead from you; show that its ok to devalue your boundaries and that's what you'll have reflected back.

LET IT GO: So you still want it? So what, let it go. They were wrong? So what, let it go. It hurt you? Heal yourself and let it go. Promises were broken? It happens, let it go. It still has the ability to get to you? Take away its power and let it go. Not because you aren't right, not because you don't deserve better, not because it shouldn't have hurt, but because letting it go is the only way you can hold on to the shining light of a positive future. LET IT GO.

NO ONE IS COMING TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOU OR RESCUE YOU: and even if they tried you'd probably hate it. So start taking responsibility for the areas of your life you've been neglecting. It's all you baby - so take some action where its required and stop making excuses.

YOU CANNOT SAVE ANYONE: stop trying. When you start focussing on your own issues and support people in the times and ways they specifically ask for - you will feel a release. Any other behaviour is simply self serving and controlling. Be kind. Show compassion. Be mindful and present in your relationships but stop trying so hard to help and you actually might succeed at it more often.

WITH YOUR THOUGHTS YOU MAKE YOUR WORLD: Telling yourself and others you are less than anyone else is the worst kind of pride. Look within and accept the good. Accept what you have to offer and breathe life into those elements of yourself. You have a purpose and the talents to realise that purpose; denying these things will lead to unfulfilled potential.

So, this birthday, I give myself the gift of these lessons. Learning them is an entirely different gift - but accessing them is the start.