Eve's first flesh, on Adam's torn out rib

Once upon a time I wrote a poem that I’ve been trying to remember.. it had a line in it about "Eve's first flesh, on Adam’s torn out rib." I think what I was trying to capture at the time was a visceral feeling of connection; one person growing from another – inexorably part of each other. I wish I could capture it.. or find that draft somewhere. It was a good line!

I was reminded of it just the other night, when I was treated to an indepth conversation with someone I have only just met. He intrigues me. We were discussing relationships – more particularly, the culture of relationships here in the Solomon Islands – and I was asking a lot of questions about the peculiarities I have noticed (according to my own cultural standpoint of course!) when Solomon men discuss their marriages.

My observation is that many of the men I have discussed relationships with here view their marriages as a social contract and a financial arrangement whereby they support and are committed to their family unit but do not necessarily feel a deep, heartfelt and soul stirring connection to it. My new friend had many great insights into the cultural reasoning behind this, which of course incorporated tribal beliefs and practices as well as the Christian teachings which have so influenced the development of this country. I found his musings fascinating but more than that, there was one thing he said that completely resonated with me..

When describing his idea of love and what it should be, he talked about a visceral feeling that is almost indescribable but which he thinks must be innate; there to tell us we have found a good match. A feeling that is like an implanted memory of Eve being shaped around Adam’s rib; a part of him taken and given to another to create a perfect match.

OK I agree - there’s so much in that to unpack. So many cultural references – so many truths and half-truths. But deep within me, it stirred something and it made me remember that line of my poem and smile in recognition.

In its simplest form, I think love is about connection. And I think you can recognise that connection instantly, or watch it grow over time. I think you can believe that you complete someone and they complete you – and like magnets you are drawn to each other over time and space to find that missing part and conversely I think you can build a connection with someone that draws your lives together; entwines you like roots growing around two tree trunks; two becoming one over time. However you want to depict it, I think these connections give meaning to the inexplicable feeling of belonging that is part of the joy of love.

For just a moment talking to J it was like looking in a mind-mirror. Our paths to the same conclusion have been so different and yet, there we were.

It was cool, that's all.